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I'm a seeexy Hitachiin.

September 2009

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I'm a seeexy Hitachiin.

Ring Around the Rosie

Title: Ring Around the Rosie
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Pairing: Axel/Sora, Past Axel/Roxas, Past Riku/Sora
Genre: Angst/General
Rating: K+/T
Summary: You gaze into his eyes and see the shadow of another's.

--

i. Ring around the Rosie

Music, the rhythm of the beat pulsing through your body. Weave, dance, shiver, grind, making your way through the crowd, downing a couple shots along the way. Protests are thrown as you steal a couple’s drink, placing the empty shot glass down on the counter and wandering away again. It doesn’t matter; they can’t find you here. The lights are dim; your clothes are nondescript and black. The shadows follow you, practically meld with you. There is no chance they can catch you- not that you’d let them get a look at your face, anyways.

You are free tonight. It is the one chance to get away from it all, where nothing exists but the dance floor and its occupants, the drink and the company.

As you finally arrive at the center of the dance floor, memories wrack your body. There should be another person here, your mind whispers. There should be someone with you. Where is he?

You wave the thought away; block it out from your mind. You came to have a good time. There would be no reminders of the very thing you were trying to forget. You start to get into the rhythm of the music, fast and demanding, when suddenly, you can feel someone’s stare on your back, and, unbidden, you swivel around to face them. A familiar black trench coat greets your sight, hood drawn up to slightly cover the owner’s hair. It’s long, perhaps a bit spikier than it was supposed to be, but you don’t really care. The stance is the same, and maybe the lights are a bit too dim to say for sure, but you are a believer in destiny. It’s fate, you can tell; that you both met at the same club that night. And who were you to stop that?

Forget about the accident, your mind whispers seductively. That nurse was lying to you. I bet she wanted him all to herself- kept him away, trapped in a locket, never to grow old. And he’s here now- you suck in a breath- so go. Before he gets stolen again. The voice is angry, insistent. She lied. He was still here. Everything was fine again. What were you even doing at this club?

So unfaithful, the voice hisses. He risked everything for you, and this is how you repay him?

You reply by whisking around and running headfast into his arms- but they felt different, somehow. Was he always this skinny?

A mouth presses into your hair, whispers of “Oh God you’re back” floating in the air. And then, you glance up, ready to press your lips to that insistent mouth- it’s been so, so long- and your dreams are-

Shattered.
 
ii. A pocket full of posies

I sit here at the bar tonight, fully intent on drowning my sorrows in some cheap beer, maybe vodka and Red Bull. Nothing better then some vodka and Red Bull. Took away from the bitter taste, anyways.

I sighed. “Sweet mother of Shiva, I’m such a loser.”

Shaking my head, I rose from the barstool, sliding the half-empty - sorry, half-full - glass back to the bartender. Through the crowd you go now, I hummed to myself. Find yourself a chick, maybe, just someone to get you out of this slump... so I make my way to the center, slipping lithely in-between couples. Somebody short... with blue eyes. They’ve got to have blue eyes. God, I was so out of it. And the past was the past.

I knew it would hurt. From the very beginning, I knew it would hurt, eventually. I just didn’t know the healing process would take so long.

So I comb through the crowd, my gaze finally coming to rest on someone who - would you look at that? - looked like he was just under 5’7”. They’re even the same height. He’s perfect. And then he turned to the side slightly, just so that I caught the corner of his eyes in the flashing strobe lights.

Blue.

Blue as a button, I thought. The lighting was dim, so I couldn’t be one-hundred percent certain- but it was there. My breath caught in my throat as the kid faced away from me, and I couldn’t look away, staring so hard it was a miracle I wasn’t burning holes in his back. As if bidden, he pivots again, and the spotlight flickers over him, so in that one second our gazes met I was drowning in-

Blue. Crystal polar ice caps, melting in the sun, shot with the same color as the ice cream we loved to eat so much-

But I couldn’t be serious; there was no way it was him. Him. Why would he be here, anyways? He made it clear he didn’t want to see me after he dumped my ass in front of the school, I thought. I turned away, determined to get away from the kid who looked so much like him but wasn’t, but then he launched himself at me and buried his face in my neck. And then, I knew.

He’s come to his senses. He’s come back. He’s mine. I’m his.
This was a dream. And then I’d wake up and realize that in real life, this would never, ever happen. But someone nudged into my back, elbow sharp against my spine, and I realized that maybe, I just needed to live loose. If it really was a dream, I never wanted to wake up.

I buried my face in his hair - still in spikes, of course - breathing in the scent. It wasn’t the clean smell of bar soap I was so used to though, and I recognized strawberry-vanilla-cream. Maybe he changed shampoos when I was gone?

I murmured something sappy, what it was, I can’t recall, and his arms tightened around my middle. God, don’t start crying right now, Ax. The tears were pricking at the corners of my eyes, and I felt the boy - him, I knew now - shift in my arms. I steadied myself- he was going to kiss me, of course- and I’ve gotta prove I’m good enough for him. His head raised, and I pushed his chin up with the tip of my finger. Those beautiful blue eyes were hidden by bangs at first, but slowly, they peeked out from behind the veil, and just as I was about to lean forward I looked into them, ready to proclaim my everlasting love, just take me back, please, take me back, and was met with-

Innocence.

But he’s never held innocence before.
 
iii. Ashes, ashes

With a jolt, you find yourself staring into the eyes of a stranger; emerald-green, cat-like, and piercing. Who is this man? Not him, that much is clear. But you don’t pull away; your body feels much too heavy to be moving at all. Your feet are deadweights; your arms suddenly feel like lead. Your throat is parched; the thirstiest man in the world, suddenly gifted with the Spring of Youth only to have it snatched away. Slowly, your arms loosen, stuttered apologies finding their way through your chapped lips.

“Wait,” he murmurs, catching onto your arm. You’re pulled backwards, and he looks at you again, clearly now. Fingers pull at your hair, inspecting it, green eyes narrowing then softening imperceptibly.

“You look a lot like someone I used to know.”

“I know,”
you answer. “You remind me of him, too.”

“Him?”

“Yes,”
your throat constricts. “He...” mere words could not do him justice.

“Oh. I see.”
He looks sad, regretful. Then- “Would you like to dance?”
Would you like to dance? Memories tighten their grip on reality, the face of the stranger morphing into him. Your hands reach up to tangle in fire-engine-red hair, so different from the flowing silver you first mistook it for.

You crack open your lips, lick them nervously. “To dance...” a shudder, “to dance would be the greatest pleasure.”

He slips into the roll easily, tightening his hold on your waist. “As you insist...” a smirk, “My Lady.”

It hurts. Oh, God, it hurts. They are so alike. They are so different. And you are so very much alone.

He is not offering attachment, but a dance. Maybe, tonight will be your closure. And it’s so easy to pretend.

Tonight, you will have your fun.

Then, you will let him go.
 
iii. We all fall

“He had blue eyes,” I whisper in the boy’s ear. I don’t notice the past-tense until it’s already out of my mouth. His eyes are glazed over, a distant, far-away look on his face. “Blue eyes. And blond hair.”

Silence.

“He looked a lot like you.”

He stared at me like he could see right into my soul, right then and there. “His hair,” he starts, then swallows thickly. “His eyes were green. And he was...”

I nod. “Perfect, right?”

He swallows again. “Perfect.”

I close my eyes and breathe in his scent, that strawberry-vanilla-cream. And then an image comes to mind; me, with him, dancing together. And for a second, I imagine it’s not just some lookalike kid I’m with, but him, for real.

I hear the boy laugh, and open my eyes again.

“You’re pretending,” he whispers. “But that’s okay. I’m pretending, too.”

We have no shame, no eyes for anything but the past. “We can pretend.”

I wonder who he sees in his head, a lost love with green eyes and pale skin. I concentrate, and my demeanor softens as brown spikes change to a sunset-yellow, blue eyes becoming slightly paler, skin becoming less tan.

Poison lips reach up to touch mine, and it suddenly flashes in my mind what an awful thing we’re doing, how low we are to even consider being with someone because they look like someone else.
But it’s only for tonight, and then we’ll never see each other again. So I reach back up, and, with venom and acid pumping through my veins, I kiss him again. And again.

It doesn’t feel the same; even though they have the same build, I can tell the difference between them. I hear him shudder brokenly, murmuring a quiet “Riku...” and it strikes me that I’m probably taking advantage of him.

But it’s only for tonight. So I lean back into his poison touch, wish away the innocence in those bright blue eyes, and together, companions in sorrow, we

all

   fall

vi. down.

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